i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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