Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
