Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
