That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
