i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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