Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
