i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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