Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
