two words: eviction party
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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