Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
tell your sister to shave her snatch
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
