Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she looked like the before picture.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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