Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
