So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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