Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
