how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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