i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
