Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
