There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i was born a porn star she said
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
