No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize