It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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