areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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