all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize