i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
