i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
