He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I will be naked everywhere
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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