It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
