I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
