thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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