...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
