Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
