he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
