It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
