she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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