i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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