so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize