Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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