I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
