I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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