At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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