Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
