Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
