Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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