What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
