i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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