you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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