you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
