i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
