I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
