So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
