Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he thought i was a dude.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I need to calm my uterus...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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