Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
