my phone needs a breathalizer
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
