you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
