...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
