I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
