Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
