he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
