You're completely useless in the revolution.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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