I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
