Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
