accomplished twins. life is a go
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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