My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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