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She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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