Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize