we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
