A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize