also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
nutella sex= disaster
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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